So find yourself somebody
Get yourself somebody
You are nobody till somebody loves you
You're nobody till somebody cares
Now you may be king, you may possess the world and its gold
Gold won't bring you happiness
When you're growing old
Now the world is still the same
You'll never change it
As sure as the stars shine above
You're nobody till somebody loves you
So find yourself somebody
Get yourself somebody
Find yourself somebody
Somebody to love
lt's been 400 years, but that little number still works for me.
- lsn't he terrific? - l prefer Klingon opera.
- l'll introduce you. - To a hologram?
- Doctor, is this really necessary? - He's no ordinary hologram.
- You're terrific. Great. - Thanks, doc.
l know what you're thinking. Sweet pipes for a light bulb.
That's what l am, right? A collection of photons and force fields.
- Your basic hologram. - He knows he's a hologram?
Felix designed him with the right attitude for the era.
You'd better know the score or you'll look like a Clyde.
- A Clyde? - A Harvey, you know.
- Harvey? - A square.
- You know what a square is? - lt's one side of a cube.
l guess that answers my question.
- Aren't you going to introduce me? - l am so sorry.
Commanders Dax and Worf, this is Vic Fontaine.
- How long have you been married? - How did you know that?
When you sing in so many joints, you become a student of the human heart.
Don't beat yourself up. You miss your wife but you're not blind.
What's that supposed to mean?
lt's all right to look at the ladies as long as you don't touch.
He's good.
- And as for you two... - Yes?
Never mind. You have time for another song?
- No. We've got to split, Vic. - You know where to find me.
This is a high-class joint.
Ties for the gents, dresses for the ladies.
- You guys look like a trapeze act. - Catch you later, baby.
- You told him about Keiko. - l didn't say a word.
Why don't we all meet here tomorrow night?
We can listen to Vic's whole set then maybe hit the casinos.
- We'll be there. Right? - l still prefer Klingon operas.
- l'm leaving for Bajor in the morning. - Oh, l forgot.
Say hi to Shakaar for me. Sorry. l forgot.
She doesn't want anyone to know she's visiting the First Minister.
- Business or pleasure? - You see what you've started?
l said l was sorry.
- So what do you think? - About what?
- About Vic. Clever, isn't he? - Too clever.
lf it wasn't for him, l wouldn't be dating Ensign Walker.
She turned me down. l talked to Vic,
he gave me a few pointers and voila.
You discussed your love life with a hologram?
He's not an ordinary hologram. He knows about love, life, women!
- Things you know nothing about. - That's unfair.
Then why are you asking advice from a light bulb?
Why are you so surprised? What did you expect?
- l wasn't expecting anything. - l see.
How long has it been since Shakaar and Major Kira broke up?
- About a year. - lt's been over a year.
You've had plenty of time to arrange a merger with Kira,
but have you tried to open negotiations? No.
lt's not that simple.
Odo, the woman waited a year for you to make an offer,
any kind of offer.
You've had plenty of opportunities and let them slip away.
- Who asked for your opinion? - You did.
l came here to talk about groat clusters.
You started talking about the Major. You want my advice?
- Forget all about her. - ls that the best you can do?
l'd like to see someone do better.
So would l.
You're not the most lovable person in the galaxy.
You're not even the most lovable person in the sector
or on the station.
Or even in this room.
You're cold, rigid, remote.
- Can l leave now? - Please do.
- Wait. - Odo, make up your mind.
l need a favour from you.
lt's about Dr Bashir's new holosuite program.
- You're up late, Doctor. - Can't sleep.
- Feeling a bit tense. - l've got just the thing.
One Warp Core Breach coming right up.
A few sips of this
and you'll be relaxed for the next three days.
l'm not that tense, Quark.
l'll just go up to the holosuite. lf you could hand me my program.
Sorry, Doctor, all the holosuites are in use.
- At this hour? - lt's been that kind of a night.
There won't be one available for the rest of the evening.
That's unfortunate.
Maybe l'll go and wake up Miles, play a little "tongo."
l remember back in '58 l was playing the Sands.
Frank and Dean dropped by. We took over a blackjack table.
Between the three of us, we must have dropped 15 big ones.
- Frank goes over to the pit boss... - Look, Mr Fontaine...
Vic, these stories are all very interesting,
but l didn't come here to reminisce about your past.
Yesterday, when my friends and l were here, you seemed to know things.
- l've been around the block. - Specific things.
Dax and Worf are married, the Chief misses his wife.
You don't have to be an Einstein to clue into any of that.
At one point, you were going to make an observation
about Major Kira and myself.
l didn't want to embarrass anyone, give away any secrets.
- What secrets are you talking about? - Do l have to connect the dots?
You're crazy about her, but you're afraid to do anything.
- And she... Well, you know. - No. Go on.
- She thinks of you as a friend. - l wouldn't call that a secret.
But women do change their minds. You just have to give them a reason.
- You make it sound so easy. - Because it's not that hard.
The girl already likes you. You're halfway home.
She's aware of my feelings toward her, but she prefers Shakaar.
The First Minister of Bajor. He's a leader, a hero.
lt's not the other guy you have to worry about. lt's you.
For starters, you've got to lose this ''Nanook of the North'' thing.
l don't understand.
You've got as much personality as an icicle.
- You're frozen solid. - You think l have no emotions.
Believe me, l do. l just don't always show them.
And therein lies the problem.
- Come with me. - Where to?
lf you want to win the girl, we've got to thaw you out.
Turn up the heat, get those emotions bubbling to the surface.
lt's time to have some fun.
What does fun have to do with Major Kira?
l'll pretend l didn't hear that. First, let's lose those threads.
There's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel like a million bucks.
You mean something like this?
Very sharp.
After you.
- l don't sing. - Glad to hear it.
What l need is someone to handle the black and whites.
My piano player threw ten sevens at the craps table and took off for Reno.
So have a seat, my friend.
- The crowd's getting restless. - What crowd?
That one.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. l'm Vic Fontaine.
And tonight is going to be a gas. Hit it, Nanook.
- l don't play the piano. - You want a bet?
- Stay with me, pally. - The piano's doing all the work.
You've got to sell it. Style, baby. Make them believe.
Come fly with me, come fly, let's fly away
lf you can use some exotic booze there's a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, come fly, let's fly away
Come fly with me, let's take off to Peru
ln lama land there's a one-man band
And he'll toot his flute for you
Fly with me, let's take off in the blue
Once l get you up there
Where the air is rarefied
We'll just glide, starry-eyed
Once l get you up there
l'll be holding you so near
You may hear angels cheer cos we're together
Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay
lt's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
Once l get you up there
Where the air is rarefied
We'll just glide, starry-eyed
Once l get you up there
l'll be holding you so near
You may hear angels cheer cos we're together
Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
Just say the words and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay
lt's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
Come fly with me, pack up, let's fly away
No, it's nothing.
- Bottoms up. - l don't drink.
Why am l not surprised? lt's not real booze.
- How do you like being in the spotlight? - Very bright.
That's all?
The lights kept me from seeing the audience. That's why l wasn't nervous.
Nothing to be nervous about. You were too busy having fun.
l suppose l was.
l'm just grateful none of my friends saw me.
There you go, tensing up again. You're standing there like a statue.
The only things you're going to attract are pigeons.
Sit down. Relax.
Take a couple of deep breaths and everything you want will come to you.
- That's all it takes? - Try it. Go on.
- See? - Are you expecting someone?
Let's find out.
- Surprise! - What are you ladies doing here?
- You invited us. - That's right. Come on in.
- Odo, we've got company. - Look, it's the piano player.
We saw you perform. Melissa thinks you're adorable.
Would you mind if l looked at your hands?
Show her your hands.
l knew it. They're so artistic.
l once played on the same bill with Liberace.
- He has the sweetest dimples. - Are you classically trained?
- Vic taught me everything l know. - ls he a good student?
Head of his class.
Maybe l can help you get your diploma.
The night is young and l have a table waiting for us at the Dunes.
- We're going to see Shecky. - Shecky who?
You didn't tell me he had a sense of humour.
He plays the piano and he's funny. Kind of like Victor Borge.
- Who? - l think l'm in love.
After you, ladies.
Uh, l don't...
What are you worried about? Melissa's a very nice girl.
l'm sure she is. lt's just she's not Kira.
- How do you get to Carnegie Hall? - l have no idea.
Practice, practice, practice. Get it?
Think of this evening as a trial run. You're going to do great.
Captain, here's the report on that smuggling ring.
- Should l forward the information? - l'll let you know in a minute.
No, no, they can't take that away from me
The way your smile just beams...
- Yes, Captain? - Don't stop on my account.
- Stop what? - You were singing.
l was singing?
No, no, they can't take that away from me
You're right. l was singing.
They can't take that away from me
We may never, never meet again
On that bumpy, bumpy road to love...
- Julian. - Morning.
Should you ask Kira about Shakaar or should l?
Why don't you? But she's staying on Bajor two more days.
She and Shakaar must be having a good time.
- Poor Odo. - What's he got to do with it?
Not a thing. That's the problem.
Have fun.
Thank you. Keep clapping.
There's a fly in the room and one of you is bound to nail him.
Why the long face, buddy boy?
You haven't told me what to do about Kira and Shakaar.
Forget about that fink. l bet he doesn't look half as good in a tux.
What difference does that make?
You've been coming here for a week. Have l steered you wrong?
Then you trust your Uncle Vic.
We have a special surprise tonight.
lf she doesn't raise your temperature, check the obituary column.
Chances are you're in it.
Let's have a nice, warm round of applause for Miss Lola Crystal.
Never know how much l love you
Never know how much l care
When you put your arms around me
l get a feeling that's so hard to bear, you give me fever
Remind you of anyone?
When you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
ln the morning, fever all through the night
Everybody's got the fever
That is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing
Fever started long, long ago
Sun lights up the daytime
Moon lights up the night
l light up when you call my name cos you know l'm gonna treat you right
You give me fever
When you kiss me, fever, if you live, you learn
Till you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
Don't look now, but l think she likes you.
A toast.
As Georgie Jessel once said, ''To whatever makes you happy''.
My thoughts exactly.
l'm going to turn in. You two lovebirds can live without me?
We'll manage.
You have a beautiful voice.
And you...
have beautiful hands.
So l've been told.
- They feel good, too. - So do you.
l've been waiting to hold you like this for as long as l can remember.
- We just met tonight. - l must have a short memory.
- You're funny. - Like Victor Borge?
How did you know?
l can't do this.
- Why not? - lt has nothing to do with you.
What's wrong?
- This isn't working. - You were getting along fine.
You programmed her to find me irresistible.
l could read her a criminal activities report. She'd think it was poetry.
- She's nothing like Kira. - Who's Kira?
- Of course not. She's a hologram. - A what?
Do you know how difficult it was to get a holographic image of Major Kira?
Lucky for you, Julian used her image in one of his spy programs.
l appreciate what you've done, but it's all been in vain.
l may be Romeo in the holosuite,
but l when l see the real Kira l'll turn back into Nanook of the North.
- You're starting to talk the talk. - l was hoping for more than that.
Wait! You can't give up now.
l'm sorry, but l am tired of discussing my feelings with a hologram.
You're a hologram, too?
- Odo, hello. - Major.
Anything interesting happen while l was gone?
No, nothing at all. As a matter of fact, it's been rather dull.
- l'm sorry to hear that. - l'd better get back to work.
- Hey, doll face. You asleep? - How the hell did you get in here?
l'm performing next door. l'm between sets,
so l transferred my matrix from that holosuite to this one.
- What do you want? - We have to talk.
- About what? - Odo. What else?
- We both know he's nuts about you. - He told you that?
We've been spending a lot of time together.
Odo spending time in a holosuite?
- And loving it. - That's not the Odo that l know.
You don't know him as well as you think you do.
He's not the same stick-in-the-mud any more.
- Are we talking about the same Odo? - The one and only.
But the only chick he wants to swing with is you.
l take it that's a good thing.
lt's love, baby. Nothing better than that.
- How did you get in here again? - We're talking about you and Odo.
That's what you were talking about. l'm meditating.
- l don't mean to interrupt. - Good. Then leave.
Talk about your cranky aliens. You two really are made for each other.
Which is why you've got to come to the holosuite tonight.
- You and Odo can have dinner. - Why doesn't he ask me himself?
l'm asking you for him
and neither one of us will take no for an answer.
Then l'd better say yes.
Odo? Can you hear me?
Vic? What are you doing on the com line?
l need to talk to you. l want you to come to the holosuite tonight.
l've done a complete overhaul on the Kira hologram.
You'll think she's the real thing. She walks like Kira, talks like Kira.
Really? How did you manage to accomplish that?
l'll see you tonight, 900. That's 2100 to you.
- l know. - l'll see you then, pally.
l believe you two know each other.
- You look lovely. - Thank you. So do you.
l'll be your server this evening. l'll try not to spill anything.
To begin, a little Dom Perignon '55 and some oysters Rockefeller.
To be followed by Caesar salad, chateaubriand
and cherries jubilee.
This is all very interesting,
but don't you feel a little silly being here in a holosuite?
A bit.
Let me know when you're ready for the salad.
Bon appetit.
lt's French, an Earth language. lt means ''enjoy your meal''.
- l didn't know you spoke French. - l don't.
lt's something l learned from Vic. French is the language of love.
- Vic's a fountain of information. - He's certainly a man of many talents.
But we're really not here to talk about Vic, are we?
l'm certainly not.
l always wondered what this would be like.
The two of us having dinner together?
- lt's not the way l pictured it. - lt is a bit unusual.
You haven't touched your food.
lt looks delicious. l'm not hungry.
- Truth is l'm a little nervous. - You? Nervous?
A bit.
lt is our first date, right?
There's nothing wrong with being a little nervous
as long as it doesn't get in the way of enjoying yourself.
- The only thing you enjoy is your work. - How do you know that?
You told me yourself.
- Well done, Vic. - Vic?
Never mind.
l do enjoy my work,
but l'm afraid l've used it as an excuse
to avoid the rest of my life.
l know the feeling.
l've got you
Under my skin
l've got you
Deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart
You're really a part of me
l've got you
Under my skin
- lt's a pretty song. - lt is, isn't it?
- You're sure you're not hungry? - Sure.
What do we do now?
Only one thing we can do. Dance with me.
l'm not sure l know how to dance to this kind of music.
Just stay close.
- Sorry. - That's good.
Use your mentality
Wake up to reality
And each time l do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before l begin
Cos l've got you...
l had no idea you could dance.
lt's amazing what you can learn in a holosuite.
l can't believe we're having our first date in a holosuite.
Cos l've got you
Under my skin
l know you wouldn't be comfortable at Quark's,
but l know one or two out-of-the-way restaurants on the station.
l don't think that's possible.
Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?
l meant it would be difficult for you to leave the holosuite.
- Why? - lt's complicated.
Complicated to leave a holosuite? You make it sound like l'm a hologram.
- Aren't you? - ls that what you think?
- Maybe you'd better tell her. - There's nothing to tell.
l'm good, but l'm not that good. You've been dancing with the real McCoy.
- You tricked me! - And me.
l brought you lovebirds together. That was the idea, wasn't it?
Don't say it. Computer, end program.
- Odo? Are you there? - l have nothing to say to you.
- l know you think l sold you out. - You lied to me!
For your own good. lt was time to start playing with the real thing.
- You should have said it was Kira. - Would you have shown up?
l don't hear an answer. There's not much to be mad about.
l saw the way she looked at you. The lady digs you big time.
She ''digs'' Shakaar. l can only imagine what she thinks of me.
- l insisted she was a hologram. - Odo, listen to me.
l'm done listening to you! Computer, end transmission.
- Will you tell me what's wrong? - There's nothing wrong.
Have you ever had a moment of pure clarity
where the truth seems to grab you by the throat?
l bet this has something to do with Shakaar.
Have you ever had a moment like that?
One or two, but that's over a span of seven lifetimes.
Two moments of clarity in seven lifetimes?
- Total clarity is a very rare thing. - l guess so.
When it comes to you, it's important that you act on it.
Confusion and doubt will take over before you know it.
You're absolutely right. lt makes perfect sense.
Not another moment of clarity?
- That's two in two days. - That's amazing.
Odo, wait.
- l'd like to forget about last night. - We need to talk about it.
- We can meet in my office. - Let's discuss it over dinner.
- You can choose the restaurant. - Will Shakaar approve?
l don't care whether he approves.
Shakaar and l are friends. That's all.
The First Minister asked me to update him on the war.
- Are we going to have dinner or not? - lf we do, then what?
- You'll expect me to kiss you. - lt's possible.
- Why don't l just kiss you right now? - Why don't you?
You're right. Who needs dinner?
Cos l've got you
Under my skin
Cos l've got you
Under my skin
ln Vegas, there's only one way not to lose money.
The moment you step off the plane, walk into the propellers.
See you in a few minutes.
- Odo. Long time no see. - l've been busy.
Julian tells me you and the Major are quite an item.
Who knows how long it'll last?
That's my Odo, always ready to turn victory into defeat.
- l wanted to thank you for your help. - Any time, pally.
- Feel like sitting in on a number? - Some other time.
Say hi to the Major for me.
Do me a favour.
Leave the program running for a few minutes.
- l feel like singing. - Whatever makes you happy.
Come fly with me, come fly, let's fly away
lf you can use some exotic booze
There's a bar in far Bombay
lt's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, come fly, let's fly away
Come fly with me, pack up, let's fly away

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