MENAGE A TROI


Captain's log, star date 43930. 7.
The Enterprise is in attendance
at the biennial Trade Agreements Conference on Betazed.
For the first time, the Ferengi are present.
I reluctantly consented to their boarding for the closing reception.
Check and mate.
Perfect. The queen's gambit finished off with the Aldabren Exchange.
That is unfair. I couldn't concentrate with that noise.
Noise? It's Algolian ceremonial rhythms.
A toast to the success of the conference. I must admit,...
..l had some doubts about the Ferengi.
They made a profit and behaved. Still, they trouble me.
We Betazoids are uncomfortable with species like the Ferengi
whose minds we can't read.
Perhaps your telepathy is ineffective
owing to the anomalous construction of the Ferengi brain...
Thank you, Mr. Data.
It was thoughtful of you to invite Lwaxana Troi.
Lwaxana and I go way back. Her first husband was a friend.
I've known Deanna since she was a child.
I'm sure Troi appreciates having time with her mother.
Little one, pretend you are happy to see me.
Mother, we're among non-telepaths.
It's impolite not to speak aloud.
You mean talk with my mouth full? Deanna, please.
Alright. You want me to say something aloud?
Have you considered if you had stayed on Betazed, you might be happier?
Let's not guess what might have been.
I love my work on the Enterprise.
Yes, of course, but it's all business and no play.
You've got to enjoy life, relax. Like I do.
Find the right man, think of your future.
Think of mine.
Lwaxana, Deanna. Anything I can do?
Could l...?
She's as repulsive as the rest.
Repulsive? I find her exotic.
What an advantage her telepathy would be in our negotiations.
To read our competitors' minds?
Yes, that would be valuable.
But she'd never agree to use her powers to help us.
I'm not so sure.
Lwaxana Troi of Betazed, I believe.
I am DaiMon Tog of the Ferengi vessel, Krayton. May I join you?
I was going to see Capt Picard. Excuse me.
Jean-Luc! Have a drink with me. Tell me what you've been up to.
Perhaps later. Mr. Data and I were about to show Reittan Grax the...
..the new door mechanisms on the turbo lifts. Excuse us.
Lwaxana Troi.
I desire you.
What?
Your Betazoid skills would be very useful to me.
I find you very attractive.
I am willing to pay handsomely for you.
I don't believe this.
You must be aware that every female has her price.
Let's get one thing straight, little man.
I am not for sale.
And if, by some chance, I were to become available,
I would rather eat Orion wing-slugs
than deal with a toad-faced troll like you.
Go away. Find somebody else to become your property.
As you wish.
Now that you've totally humiliated us,
may we return to our vessel?
She is exhilarating, isn't she?
Now I want her more than ever.
Lwaxana Troi, you will be mine.
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds,...
..to seek out new life and new civilizations,...
..to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Are we at war with the Ferengi?
DaiMon Tog returned to his vessel. The Ferengi have left orbit.
My mother will be relieved.
I hear she handled the situation skilfully. An admirable woman.
I'll be sure to tell her you said so.
Come in, little one.
Mother?
Mother, please.
After that awful Ferengi insulted me, I needed to centre myself.
Can you imagine that creature talking to me like that?
Doesn't he realize I am a daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed?
Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?
The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is an old clay pot
with mould growing inside it.
One day, when you're older and wiser, you'll understand.
Come on. Sit down. Talk to me.
- We spend so little time together. - That's true.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so upset with you at the reception.
Deanna, try to understand. You're all I have.
My only concern is for your happiness.
I am happy. Why can't you believe that?
I wish I could.
How much happiness is there in always being there for someone else
and never for yourself?
I get a lot of satisfaction out of my work.
I'm sure you do. I'm sure it's rewarding in its way, but...
- What about a family? - This is my family!
My friends here on the Enterprise.
Alright. In case I have to spell it out,
I am talking about finding a husband, having a child.
That's what made me happy. At least, until now.
Mother, look. Perhaps someday I will marry.
But you have to let me make my own choices, live my own life,
not the life you want for me.
You had your chance with Cmdr Riker. Look how you ruined that.
I did not ruin anything. We've become very good friends.
All the better. You wouldn't want to marry an enemy.
I see we can't talk about this.
Very well. Have it your way, little one.
Little one? You called me that when I was five.
Now stop demeaning me and address me as an adult!
I'll be home on Betazed if you need me, little... Deanna.
Adding pre-processors to the neutrino-counters boosted efficiency.
Cmdr La Forge and Cmdr Data did it.
But reprocessing the data with an optical chip was your idea.
Correct. Cmdr La Forge and I designed the chip,
but Mr. Crusher derived the equation for its operation.
He completed the upgrade early. Impressive.
Indeed. Fine work. We shall miss you, Mr. Crusher.
Examination scores from Starfleet Academy have arrived.
Congratulations.
When you've completed the oral, you will be formally admitted.
You'll go to Betazed to meet up with the transport ship.
- Thank you, sir. - That'll be all.
- Number One, a moment. - Yes, Captain?
You agree that this is a routine mapping mission?
Yes, sir.
Counsellor Troi asked for shore leave.
I can see I shall have to suggest it to you.
Have a good time, Number One.
Your mother!
It's around here somewhere.
Maybe it died. It has been a few years.
Muktok live for hundreds of years. Here it is.
It's lovely.
I remember that sound. And all the good times we had.
I remember a certain junior officer
meeting a very serious psychologist.
The best part about being assigned to Betazed.
This is the perfect spot.
Put the food down over there, Mr. Homn.
Isn't it a beautiful day for a picnic?
They'll join us in a moment.
No. Put the food over there.
Mother, how did you know about this place?
Your father used to bring me here. Sit down.
You even brought provisions. Very thoughtful.
Here. Will, Deanna.
Try an oskoid. They're delicious.
That sap running through the veins helps keep it warm.
Very tasty.
Last time we met, you were looking for a husband. Any luck?
Alas, no. But what happens to me isn't important.
I am more concerned with other people getting on with their lives.
Mother.
Mr. Homn, I noticed some uttaberries back along the path.
Pick some.
Well, Mr. Homn and I could go if you would like to be alone.
It's such a romantic setting.
Mother, stop it.
Darling, you have been so excitable lately.
Have you thought of some leave? I could talk to Jean-Luc.
Try the oskoid. Very different.
What the...?
For one whose beauty surpasses even these pericules.
DaiMon Tog, I thought the Krayton left orbit.
It did.
But when I tried to get Lwaxana Troi out of my mind, I could not succeed.
This is ludicrous. You came back to Betazed for me?
Why continue to search for perfection once you have found it?
- I don't believe this. - Now, look, Demon Tog!
I'm a daughter of the Fifth House,
holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx.
Unless you want an interstellar incident, beam back to your ship.
Returning is what I had in mind.
Krayton, transport four immediately.
No!
Pawn takes knight, king's level.
Bishop takes knight, king's level.
Rook to queen four.
Lwaxana?
Deanna?
Where are we?
From the smell, I'd say we're on a Ferengi vessel.
They can't do that. You're Starfleet officers.
Tog must not have read that chapter on etiquette.
Enterprise?
Must be too far out of range.
DaiMon, they have regained consciousness.
Very good.
I should have known. Even their transporters can't be trusted.
Why remove our clothing?
Females do not deserve the honour of clothing.
They're as bad as humans. Look at that leer.
No. His is an expression of revulsion.
But it is a feeling that I do not share, Lwaxana.
It's cold in here. Do you want me to become ill?
You must forgive the doctor.
He is not accustomed to Betazoid females.
Now, Lwaxana, I have a business proposition for you.
- Thanks, but I'm not interested. - Hear me out.
Your telepathic powers could bring us both profit.
Why would I want to bring you profit?
In order to keep your daughter alive and healthy for one.
There is no need for threats. Lwaxana is a sensible female.
I don't like this.
I believe I can control him, little one.
I'm sure that we can talk about this.
Just the two of us.
A wise choice.
Farek, leave us.
And you may rejoin your friend.
- Mother, are you sure? - I'll be fine.
Now, Lwaxana Troi, let us talk.
1 5 hours from Gamma Erandi. The subspace static is playing hell.
Just what you'd expect from a stellar nursery.
Congratulations on passing your written examination.
- An excellent achievement. - Thanks.
If I do as well on the orals...
You will, and we'll be gaining the best ensign in the fleet.
There is no guarantee that Wesley will be on the Enterprise.
91 percent of graduates are not posted to Galaxy-class starships.
I never thought of that. I assumed I'd come back here.
I'm sure Capt Picard will request you.
That is, if he's still commanding the Enterprise when you graduate.
I never thought of that either.
I never thought I'd feel this way about leaving you.
Is that not the human experience? Growth and change.
- I suppose so... - Listen, Wesley.
I felt the same way, but it was the best time of my life.
You're gonna meet new friends and have adventures.
I hope you're right, Geordi.
Little one, Tog's given me something hideous to wear.
He says it flatters my beauty.
So far, Mother's in no danger.
I hope she knows what she's doing.
She's bought some time. Let's make the most of it.
I wouldn't do that.
- I don't need your help. - You're two moves from being mated.
See? You should have listened. Now you've only got one escape.
That wasn't it.
- Should have moved the bishop. - Ridiculous! It was pinned.
Don't listen to me. Forget that I beat you in 30 moves.
- Pure luck. - I was being polite.
I could have won in 20.
Then prove it.
Pawn to queen four, king's level.
Pawn to king's bishop three, queen's level.
I must admit, when you first approached me,
I was intrigued.
- You mean revolted. - Perhaps a little.
- Do you forgive me? - Yes.
With your powers, we could be a formidable team.
My! You have great strength in your hands.
You like that?
I've always admired strong males.
You are beautiful.
It is impossible for me to resist you.
Then don't.
Initial scans of ionisation patterns complete, sir.
Now correlating sensor readings.
Almost incomprehensible.
The amount of energy being expended.
Actually, it is 5.34 times 10 to the 41 st watt, sir.
Well within the norm for this.
Yes. Perhaps, Data.
But that takes away none of the wonder.
- Check. - I'm sick of this game.
Of course! Now that you are losing.
Who's losing? I'm tired of standing.
You can't resign now.
It's hard to play. I can't see the board.
Ah! Then you will finish the game if I let you out of the shell?
- I might. - Clever, human!
- But I'm not foolish. - You think I'd escape?
Where would that get me? You've got her.
Where would I go?
- I do not trust you. - Fine. Thanks for the game.
Come out here.
Now save your rook, if you can.
And that was my first husband.
Not much of a conversationalist, but...
..what a lover!
Well, then I met...
I do not want to hear about your other romances.
It makes me jealous.
My, my. What big ears you have.
Has anyone ever told you how attractive they are?
Some females think they are my best feature.
No one has ever given me oo-mox like this.
Oo-mox?
There is no translation.
But the ear is one of our most erogenous zones.
Those Ferengi have iron jaws.
Little one, if Tog were a kitten, he'd be purring.
Good work, Mother.
According to Mother, DaiMon Tog is extremely relaxed at the moment.
Tell Lwaxana to keep him relaxed while we call in the cavalry.
Access denied. All transmissions to be authorized by DaiMon Tog.
Let's see just how relaxed DaiMon Tog is.
Mother, we're trying to contact the Enterprise.
We can't do it without Tog's access code. Could you... ?
Say no more, little one.
Lwaxana, you and I are going to make such a wonderful team.
With your telepathy and my cunning, I foresee...
A very profitable future.
Interference is subsiding. Communications have been restored.
Good. Contact Cmdr Riker on Betazed.
Message coming in from Betazed, sir. Priority one.
On screen.
Capt Picard, at last. We have been trying to reach you.
Our communications have been blocked. Is there a problem?
I'm afraid so, Captain.
Lwaxana, Deanna and Cmdr Riker have disappeared.
I knew I wanted you when I saw you.
You have fulfilled my expectations.
How sweet.
Farek thought it was a bad idea, but I knew better.
- How clever. - I knew best. I always know best.
- How repugnant. - What?
I said, "How romantic."
I can't resist a man who knows what he wants.
That's me. That's why I am DaiMon of this ship.
I take charge in every situation.
- More to the left, woman. - Whatever you say.
My darling, care for a drink?
You're so attentive.
Does your food synthesizer know how to make an Arcturian Fizz?
I don't think so.
They have certain pleasure-enhancing qualities.
Let me teach your computer how to make one.
I'll need your access code.
Yes, my beloved.
Computer, access code.
Tog! Be silent.
- I knew you were not to be trusted. - I was going to make a drink.
Save your lies for this fool.
But...
Don't listen to him. He's misunderstood me.
No, Tog. You have misunderstood.
You have been tricked by a sly female who finds you repulsive.
She was only trying to serve me a drink.
You almost gave her complete access to the ship's computer.
A security breach severe enough to cost you your command.
It's time you took my advice. Let me study her.
Study her?
Your mind probes could kill her.
You brought her aboard for her telepathic powers.
If I can determine what neural configuration gives her those powers,
I may be able to duplicate them. We could still profit.
I don't know.
A true DaiMon would not be blinded by lust.
Give her to me,
or I may be forced to report your transgressions.
Very well. Take her.
When you have finished here, survey in that direction.
- I wish I had some answers. - Mr. Homn was no help?
None. He last saw them in this clearing.
When he returned, all three were gone.
Lt Foley discovered this in the pond. The species is Zan Periculi.
It is not indigenous to Betazed but to a Ferengi world.
Now we have a reasonable hypothesis as to whom.
The difficult question is where?
The Ferengi ship is fast. She could be anywhere.
Cmdr Riker will assume we are searching. He'll send us a message.
Monitor Ferengi subspace frequencies.
Mr. La Forge, can you extend our sensor range?
If I narrow the band and tie the sensors to the subspace scanners.
Make it so.
- Do you wish to leave orbit? - Not until we have someplace to go.
I've done everything. It's no use.
Without Tog's security code, I can't get near their system.
We are running out of time. Farek is about to begin the neural scan.
Maybe I'm going about this in the wrong way.
If I pick a minor subsystem, something non-essential...
Like this. Warp-field phase adjustment.
All this does is suppress the subspace interference.
Meaning what?
If I set up an oscillation, I can send a signal
to create a message the Ferengi will think is just subspace static.
What's wrong?
Mother.
Will, we have to help her.
Thanks for your help but you'd better get aboard the Bradbury.
Soon as I'm sure this works.
Initiating scans now, Captain.
Can you locate the Krayton?
Ferengi transmissions are scrambled and encoded.
Without a code, we can't identify any specific Ferengi vessel.
Ferengi codes are near impossible to break.
Gentlemen, I have confidence in your ability to perform the impossible.
Captain, the Bradbury can no longer delay their departure.
Mr. Crusher. Now.
No lengthy farewells. Good luck.
Thank you, sir.
The repetitive nature of the subcarrier pattern implies...
Deck six.
Wesley?
- Take care. - You too, Mom.
Something the matter?
We've been scanning Ferengi transmissions to locate the Krayton.
One of the signals was, I don't know, familiar somehow.
- Something in the message? - No. The message was scrambled.
It was the static!
Where are you going?
Captain.
The Bradbury has informed us they can no longer wait for Mr. Crusher.
Wesley!
There's a pattern to the interference in the Ferengi message.
You will miss the Bradbury.
The interference could be a message.
If I could hear a replay of the scans.
Signal the Bradbury. They may leave.
Play back the transmissions.
Wait, repeat that one. Put it on continuous replay.
Hear that popping noise?
Can you filter out everything but that sound?
Cochrane distortion. A fluctuation in the subspace field.
All warp engines generate that interference.
But listen to the pattern.
It's that Algolian ceremonial rhythm.
Mr. Crusher is correct. There is a temporal correlation.
Then it is a signal from Cmdr Riker. Ingenious.
He selected a signal that the Ferengi would dismiss as static.
- Signal source located. - Plot an intercept course.
- Course plotted, sir. - Well done. Warp eight.
- Aye, sir. - Engage.
- Get away from her. - What are you doing?
Stand off, Commander.
DaiMon Tog, can't we strike a bargain?
All I am concerned about is my daughter's safety.
What happens to me isn't important.
- What are you suggesting? - Let me be candid.
Deanna is of no use to you. She's only half-Betazoid.
If you keep Riker, Starfleet will never stop chasing you.
Release them. Release them and I will stay with you willingly.
I'll even use my telepathy to aid in your negotiations.
A tempting offer. I would like to believe you.
The offer is genuine.
I give my word as a daughter of the Fifth House.
- Lwaxana, don't. - I've made up my mind.
- I can't let you. - William, I am a grown woman.
Mother, we can't just leave you.
Yes, you can and before he changes his mind.
Please, little one, do this for me.
Just this once.
Do we have an agreement?
I give you my word.
I will release your daughter and the Commander.
DaiMon! A Federation ship approaching at high warp.
- The Enterprise has found us. - Slow to impulse. Raise shields.
Inform the Enterprise that two of our guests are ready to return.
The other will be staying with us at her request.
I must protest, DaiMon.
Lwaxana has given her word.
Oo-mox is only the beginning.
- Are you both alright? - None the worse for wear.
My mother bought our freedom.
She doesn't want to stay with Tog.
Hail the Krayton.
Frequencies open. DaiMon Tog responding.
On screen.
Capt Picard, so good of you to meet us.
We were on our way to Betazed to return our guests.
Of course you were. But you're still holding Lwaxana Troi.
When will you realize that it's over between us, Jean-Luc?
I think I know what she is doing. Fight to get her back.
Open.
It's not over between us, Lwaxana.
You're mine and I will not let you go.
I insist you return to my side immediately.
You mean, you still care?
"My love is a fever."
"Longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease."
Tell me more.
"In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, for they in thee
a thousand errors see,
but 'tis my heart that loves what they despise
who in despite of view are pleased to dote."
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
"Thou art more lovely and more temperate."
You didn't tell me that you and Picard were...
You said you didn't want to hear about my other romances.
I have a new love, Jean-Luc.
You can't keep killing all my lovers. That has to stop.
- Killing? - He's insanely jealous.
Listen, Tog! I must possess Lwaxana.
If that means destroying your ship, so be it!
Captain, I had no idea Lwaxana...
Don't let him threaten you. You can defeat him.
The only way you'll get me back is over Tog's dead body.
That can be arranged.
Mr. Worf, arm phaser banks and photon torpedoes.
If Lwaxana is not in my arms in ten seconds,
throw everything you've got at the Krayton.
But you will destroy Lwaxana.
"When I have plucked the rose, I cannot give it vital growth again."
"It needs must wither."
Nine, eight...
"Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
Seven, six...
- No, wait. - Five, four...
Beam her to their bridge now!
Two, one...
You wonderfully jealous fool, you.
Captain, I trust there will be no further action taken against us?
Such as my reporting this incident to your superiors?
I will think about it. Screen off.
Thank you, Jean-Luc. You were most convincing.
You certainly convinced me.
I am grateful that you risked your life to save my people.
- I'll have you home in a few hours. - That won't be necessary.
I'd just love to hear more of your poetry.
Perhaps another time.
Please.
Mr. Crusher, set course for Betazed. Warp nine.
Come.
- You wanted to see me? - I've contacted the Admiral.
He regrets your missing the exam,
but hopes you will reapply next year.
I understand, sir, and I do intend to reapply.
The Academy's loss is our gain.
The Enterprise will continue to benefit from your talents.
Thank you, sir.
Is that all?
- No. - Is there something wrong, Captain?
I'm just thinking that I'm saying goodbye to you
as you are today.
But I thought you said I can't go.
The Academy must make you wait, that's true.
But when I review your service to this ship, your crew mates,
I cannot, in all conscience, make you wait for the Academy.
You see, Wesley,...
..in my eyes, you're an acting ensign in title only.
I hereby grant you field promotion to full ensign
with all the responsibilities and privileges of that rank.
Congratulations.
Dismissed.
Lwaxana Troi has beamed down to Betazed, Captain.
Notify Starfleet we are en route to rendezvous with the Zapata.
Aye.
Ensign Crusher, take us out of orbit.
Set a course for Xanthras III, warp factor six.
Aye, sir. Course is set.
Engage.


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