Dr Beverly Crusher, personal log, star date 44821.3.
Began analysis today of the respiratory problems
being experienced on the Beta Moon of Peliar Zel.
Finally got a letter from Wesley.
He's top in Exobiology, but struggling in Ancient Philosophies.
And there's someone new in my life.
Ambassador Odan. Dr Crusher.
- I was on my way to speak to you. - Hello, Data.
I have completed my study on the atmospheric variations on the moon.
That will be helpful in my efforts to mediate the quarrel.
We could go over it now. It would require just two hours.
We do appreciate that, Data,
but the Ambassador and I have set aside this time to...
analyze the incidence of the lung disease on the moon's inhabitants.
Then it is perfect timing, Doctor.
When better to integrate my results into your study?
Now that I think about it, you're right.
Unfortunately,... I'm not feeling very well.
Perhaps Dr Crusher could get you started inputting your information.
I must return to my quarters.
Are you still having those headaches?
I'd better bring you a hypospray for it.
- I would be most grateful. - OK.
Put a cold cloth on your forehead. I'll be with you shortly.
I'll set you up. You'll take a while to input the figures, won't you?
At least an hour.
But I do not believe much time can be saved by haste now.
Data, there are times when every second does count.
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds,... seek out new life and new civilizations,... boldly go where no one has gone before.
Somehow, I had an unnatural fear that Data was going to barge in
to discuss the peripheral effects
of magnetospheric energy taps.
If I don't go and look at his projections,
he just might come looking for me.
Do you know, when I first met the formidable Dr Beverly...
What, ten days ago?
..l thought to myself, this woman is ice.
Through to her bones!
Who would have ever guessed that instead of ice
there is fire?
- Stay here. - No!
Are we...?
Is this interfering with your work on the Peliar Zel problems?
Fortunately, I've done as much as I can until we get there,
because I can't seem to keep my mind on my work right now.
- I have... to go! - No!
- Promise we'll be together tonight. - I promise.
- Then you may go, Dr Beverly. - It's just Beverly.
It's not just Beverly.
It's Beverly's smile, it's her kindness,
her beauty within and without. So much more than "just Beverly".
Picard to Ambassador Odan.
Captain, this is Odan.
The representative from Peliar Zel is in the observation lounge.
I'll be right there, Captain.
If the news were encouraging, you would not be here.
I'm afraid you're correct. The situation is growing worse.
- Where have you been? - With a patient. Minor emergency.
Ambassador Odan.
This is Governor Leka Trion of Peliar Zel.
Ambassador, thank you for coming.
I knew your father. His efforts kept our people at peace for generations.
I would hope to serve you as well as he.
Governor. Ambassador.
I hope Dr Crusher was able to help your headache.
Thank you, she was.
Governor Leka has intercepted us
to update us on her planet's situation.
The people on our moons have been in discord
since they migrated from our planet five centuries ago.
To us on the planet, they're two squabbling children.
We try to help them by not taking sides,
but this time we are at a loss.
I've studied the information you sent.
I understand the people of Alpha Moon have found a way
to tap into the magnetic field of your planet,
and now rely exclusively on that energy source?
Yes, but the Beta Moon is now suffering environmentally
as a result.
My design model suggests... that Beta will eventually experience
rising temperatures, erratic tide surges,
and, in general, the beginning of global warming.
The impact on the health of the Betans is clear.
There will be profound medical repercussions.
Alpha is unwilling to give up its new-found energy source.
Beta accuses them of intentionally courting genocide.
Our efforts to reach a compromise have failed.
Now we have received intelligence that both sides are arming for war.
If that happens, the people on my planet will take sides,
and the outcome can only be disastrous.
We'll be in orbit in six hours.
If you could arrange for the moon representatives to be there.
Odan can beam directly down to the planet's surface.
Excuse me, I prefer to shuttle to the surface.
I would not recommend it,
there are many radical factions involved in this dispute,
it would be hard to guarantee your safety.
I'm not the first to express discomfort
at the idea of molecular transport. I prefer to remain intact.
- I'll shuttle down. - As you wish.
Counsellor, what is it?
It's Ambassador Odan.
I continually feel fluctuations of emotion from him.
Perhaps it's normal among the Trill.
It could be. We know so very little about them.
Yes. Quite.
- Hi, Deanna. - Hi.
Is that the colgonite astringent you have on your eyes?
Yes, I guess so.
I've never tried it.
Someone... just put it on... me.
- I didn't know you came in here. - I don't.
At least... not very often.
It feels good to indulge yourself sometimes.
I guess so.
Especially when you haven't in a while.
What is... What is that supposed to mean?
Beverly,... you're in love.
Sometimes, I wish you weren't so... empathic.
I don't think it's really a secret.
- It isn't? - You've been glowing.
Must be the astringent.
Oh, yes, there is. What is it?
It's just something I sense in Odan.
What? What do you sense?
It's just...
How well do you know him?
I feel I know him better than I've known anyone in my life.
Am I being foolish? I don't think so.
And yet, I've only known him for a couple of weeks.
Of course, it could be infatuation.
But as a grown-up
I know the difference between love and infatuation.
All I know is,...
..l haven't felt this way for a long time.
- And you like it. - I like it.
- You wanted to see me, Captain? - Yes. Please sit down.
We have entered orbit.
We shall be transporting you to the planet soon.
I am ready, Captain.
How will you proceed when there?
I can never answer that until I'm in the situation
and I meet the people involved.
I work very much by instinct, not by prearranged plan.
It seems to work well for you.
I do like to go into a situation as well-informed as possible,
and I must say your staff has been quite helpful
in briefing me on the problems down there.
Particularly Dr Crusher.
My staff is quite capable, I'm glad they've been useful.
Your Dr Beverly is... extraordinary person,...
both as a scientist and...
..and as a woman.
Yes, I'm sure that's true.
Shall we make our way to the shuttle bay?
Captain, you know her better than l.
Do you have any idea how committed she is to remaining with Starfleet?
- I couldn't speak for her. - Of course not. I just thought...
You've known her so much longer than l.
- Taggart to Capt Picard. - Yes, Ensign?
The shuttle is ready to transport the Ambassador.
Very well.
I'll find my own way, Captain.
I hope to return with good news.
Cmdr Riker has asked to pilot you himself.
I am honoured.
- I don't know when I'll be back. - I know. Have a safe trip.
I will stay safe. I have good reason to return.
I've researched Earth customs. This flower is given to express love.
Yes, it is.
Initiate shuttle preflight sequence.
Preflight under way.
Shuttle has cleared the bay door.
You will be out of shield range in five seconds.
Acknowledged. We'll enter the upper ionosphere in two minutes.
Sir, an unidentified ship is emerging from the limb of the moon.
Hail the vessel.
I have visual contact. I don't recognize it.
It claims to be an escort vessel from the Beta Moon.
There was no mention of an escort. Request a security clearance code.
They do not answer, sir.
- Cmdr Riker, prepare to return. - Acknowledged.
They are loading their phaser banks.
Powering the shields!
Coming about.
Engage tractor beam. Report, Number One.
We've lost port thrusters and stabilizers. I'm losing control.
We're bringing you in.
The hull's weak, we're breaking up.
You can't tow us. Beam us directly on board.
- No, don't do it. - I can't stabilize the shuttle.
If you transport me, it will kill me. Please!
We're ready to beam you aboard.
Belay that. I'll bring her in manually.
Advise Dr Crusher we have a medical emergency.
He's in shock, but that still doesn't explain these readings.
Eosinophilia in the cerebrospinal fluid at 46 percent.
Sedimentation rate is 29, but his lymphocytes are still intact.
It's as though there's a parasite at work. Odan.
I need to do exploratory surgery. You may have a parasitic infection.
You must not.
You won't survive.
What is that?
Beverly,... that is me.
This body is just a host.
I am that parasite.
That... is what must survive.
It has always been this way.
The Trill are a joined species,...
..a host and a symbiont.
And in this fashion, we have survived for millennia.
You're dying. What can I do?
The host... body is dying.
You must contact the Trill quickly. Tell them I need another host.
They will send a replacement.
I know this is difficult to accept.
But I beg you, Dr Beverly,... me.
This mission must be completed.
Odan's host body died of the injuries just over an hour ago.
But the symbiont being, Odan, is still alive.
Odan is the one who negotiated the last treaty,
but the man everybody thought was his father was just a host body.
The reason Odan refused to transport?
It would have damaged the symbiont.
The Trill say another host will be here in 40 hours.
I've placed Odan in stasis.
He can survive another hour, maybe two, but not beyond that.
Would it be possible for me to serve as a temporary carrier?
No, Data. The relationship requires a biological being.
We're at a desperate impasse here.
The shuttle attack has inflamed the dispute.
- Who was responsible? - No one admits to it.
Each side accuses the other.
We need Odan.
- Could a human host carry him? - I believe so.
From Odan's description, it should be possible,
- but I don't... - I volunteer.
There's been no precedent for a human host.
I couldn't guarantee what might happen.
- The risk is too great. - Weigh it against a possible war.
It's your choice, Will.
Let's get to it.
I've given you a local anaesthetic.
You must be conscious. Drugs might damage the symbiont.
- I understand. - Laser scalpel.
How do you feel? Is there any pain?
No, just some strange sensations.
- Vital signs? - Heart rate, 110.
Blood pressure, 90/40.
I can't close yet, it's not complete.
Pulse, 130... and climbing. EEG is erratic.
He'll fibrillate. 200 mg of metrazene.
Yes, Doctor.
- Hang on, Will. - We've got incorporation, Doctor.
I'm closing.
Brain waves are still irregular.
The metrazene should have stabilized him. I'll give it 10 more seconds.
EEG approaching regular.
- Blood pressure levelling off. - Signs are returning to normal.
Will, it's Beverly. Can you hear me?
You're going to be alright. How do you feel?
I'm fine.
You look a little tired, Dr Beverly.
I know this must be disturbing, Governor,
but you must convince the moons' inhabitants that I am Odan.
I have his skills, his thoughts, his memories.
They will perceive you as a Starfleet officer,
perhaps with your own agenda.
The man they knew as my father, the man who stands before them,...
..both are merely hosts.
It is your task to help them understand.
I will try. I cannot promise they will listen.
They are more factionalised than ever.
Listening is a skill which has evaporated with the heat of argument.
Speak softly, Governor.
Those who cannot hear an angry shout may strain to hear a whisper.
I will do what I can.
Well done.
Escort the Ambassador to his quarters.
I'm just a little dizzy. I'll be fine. I need to lie down.
- Picard to Dr Crusher. - Yes?
The Ambassador is not well. Attend to him in his quarters.
Right away, sir.
White cell count is elevated,... six-tenths of a degree temperature.
- But no sign of rejection. - That's good.
- You look awfully pale. - Just a little weak.
- And light-headed. - Cerebral blood flow looks normal.
I'll leave a booster. Use it if the symptoms get worse.
- Beverly. - Beyond that I don't know.
- This is all new to me. - It is new to me as well.
Don't go. We have to talk about this.
- I don't know what to say. - Nor do l.
But I know this silence would injure us.
You should have thought about that sooner and told me what you were.
It didn't bother you to remain silent yesterday.
It never occurred to me. This is what I am.
Did you ever tell me you were only a single being?
Of course not. That was normal to you.
- I don't know who you are! - You must understand,
whoever... whoever I seem to be, I am Odan,
who loved you. That has not changed.
I still love you. I can't help that!
If this causes you pain, I will suppress it, I will keep my distance.
Dr Beverly,...
..l would never hurt you.
May I join you?
You know, Deanna,
the first man I loved unconditionally was named Stefan.
He was a soccer player and I would watch him race down the field
and I thought my heart would stop because he was so beautiful!
We married and had three children. Twin boys, Andrew and Alexander,
and then later, a little girl, Jennifer.
Stefan became an artist, very famous.
He created huge, breathtaking metal sculptures.
He came to adore me as much as I worshipped him.
In my daydreams at least, Stefan was 11 and I was 8.
He never even knew I existed.
I loved Odan, I'm sure of it. I had no doubts, no fears.
But what was it I loved?
His eyes? His hands? His mouth?
They're gone. If that's all it was, I should mourn him and go on.
But it was more than that.
I felt... completely free with him.
At ease with myself.
So many things made him special to me.
Where are they? Are they still here, alive in Will Riker?
I look at Will and I see someone I've known for years.
A kind of... brother.
But inside,... is he really Odan?
Help me. Please!
What do your... feelings tell you?
I feel his pull. It's very powerful.
I wish he'd never come on this ship.
Don't wish that, Beverly.
You can't be open to love if you don't risk pain.
I don't care. I'd give anything not to feel this way.
- He's here, isn't he? - Look at him.
I don't want to look at him. Just keep talking to me.
The first man I ever loved was my father.
He was strong and tall.
He carried me when the ground was muddy.
He chased away the monsters that hid under my bed at night.
And he sang to me. And kept me safe.
And he went away.
What I wouldn't give to hear those songs again.
To feel his arms protect me.
I never will,...
..but I can still feel his warmth and his love
as though he were here with me.
If you can feel those things,...
..from the man we know as Will Riker, accept them.
Accept the love.
Captain's log, star date 44823. 8.
Representatives of the two moons of Peliar Zel
have agreed to come on board to meet the new Ambassador Odan.
White cell count is elevated.
It's getting higher every time I read it.
- Are you in pain? - Not much.
- We can stall the representatives. - They'd see that as a deception.
I must meet with them.
To present yourself like this will not help our cause.
I promise you, they will never know that I am ill.
Captain, the emissaries.
May I present Kalin Trose of Alpha Moon,
and Lathal Bine of Beta Moon.
Thank you for receiving us, Captain.
Is... this Ambassador Odan?
Lathal Bine. It was your aunt who represented Beta 30 years ago.
That is correct.
She was a formidable woman. I had the utmost respect for her.
And who was it who spoke for Alpha so long ago?
That was you, of course. Kalin Trose.
Then you were a young man, bristling with passion and zeal,
yet wise enough to understand that your people needed peace
to ensure their future.
And how did you achieve a compromise between that young man
- and the iron-willed woman of Beta? - They traded places for a week,
to understand each other's situation with more informed eyes.
After that, agreement came swiftly.
Nothing that you have said
is beyond what a school child could learn in a history book.
What is not commonly known is that during the negotiations,
you, Kalin Trose, quelled a plot by a radical from your own moon
who was attempting to assassinate the Beta delegate.
It is true.
Perhaps he was wiser in his youth than he is now.
Odan, you must convince him to stop.
Will you accept me? Will you allow me to work with you?
And Alpha Moon?
I will consider it, but... I must consult others.
This is a typical tactic. He is an obstructionist.
You can see that.
Kalin Trose,... you may confer with your people,
but we must have your answer within eight hours.
You shall have it.
His immune system is under attack.
I can only guess he's suffering from classic rejection syndrome.
- Is there any treatment? - An immuno-suppressant.
It'll relieve the symptoms, but it can't correct the cause.
There is a foreign organism in his body.
Medical school didn't prepare me for situations like this.
You're doing all you can.
Don't worry about me, Captain, I'm fine.
When you feel up to it, would you join me in my ready room?
Of course.
I can give you something that should help with the pain.
At least for a little while.
The pain's gone. Thank you.
Please don't.
Please let me touch you, just for a moment.
No! Please!
It was a fast decision which we must take as positive.
The Alphan representative has agreed, however reluctantly,
to let you mediate the dispute.
I knew they would. They are reasonable people,
they're just trapped in their anger.
Have no doubt, however, that they will bolt if something goes wrong.
It's my job to see that nothing does.
Did I say something wrong?
No, it's just that... for a moment, you sounded more like Will Riker.
The new host will arrive in 18 hours.
- Will you be alright until then? - Dr Beverly's medication has helped.
I will find a way to keep going.
Lemon tea.
Computer, location of Dr Beverly Crusher?
Dr Crusher is in her quarters.
Can you make balso tonic?
There is no formula on record. Please supply a molecular structure.
Never mind.
Come in.
I thought I should see how you were doing.
If you needed another hypospray?
I don't think so.
The symptoms haven't returned.
- Well, that's good. - Yes.
Tomorrow's an important day. Do you feel ready for it?
I'll be fine. I've been preparing.
That's good.
I'll check your vital signs in the morning
before the representatives get here.
I don't want them knowing that I'm taking any medication.
Maybe you could schedule a series of breaks.
- That's good. - Yes.
Beverly, I want you.
If you are going to leave, go now.
I'm not leaving!
Captain's log, star date 44824.4.
Governor Leka and the representatives are ready to transport.
We have learned that they each have troops ready for combat
if this final effort at peace is not successful.
White count is back up, temperature is elevated.
The effects of the medication are wearing off faster every time.
I'll administer one now and hope it will hold for an hour or so.
No, no more.
Ambassador, it's clear you're in pain,
you can't get through without help.
I must.
Are the injections damaging to Riker's body?
We can't put him through any further risk.
But how can you function, conduct the meeting?
I'll manage.
We'll respect your wishes.
One more thing. I will conduct the mediations today,...
..but at the end of today, regardless of the outcome,
I must be removed from Riker's body, even if the new host has not arrived.
But you won't survive.
Riker will not survive if I am not removed.
He has done enough.
Your word?
Very well.
- Worf to Captain Picard. - Yes, Mr. Worf?
The representatives have returned.
I will escort them to the observation lounge.
Thank you.
I'll stand by with medication, just in case.
- The pain may become so intense... - Beverly.
Whatever else I may be to you, I'm your friend.
I can only imagine what you're going through,
and I want you to know... I'm here.
- Computer, what is the time? - 1535 hours.
They've been in there for almost six hours.
Captain, a message from the ship carrying the Trill host.
- Are they here, Worf? - They are experiencing difficulty.
They anticipate arriving in another nine hours.
Nine hours?
It was worth it.
They will not go to war.
Mr. Worf, escort the representatives off the ship.
Ensign, set a course to intercept the Trill vessel.
Sir, it could take more than two hours to reach.
I must remove him. I gave my word.
Will is gonna be alright. He has stabilized and he's sleeping now.
How is Odan?
I've placed him in stasis, he's fine for the moment.
- You need some rest, Doctor. - No. If Odan is to survive,
he needs to be implanted in the new host as soon as he arrives.
- It'll be some time. - I know.
Is the Trill host here?
- Yes. - Good. Bring him in.
I am Kareel. I am to become host to Odan.
The operation to implant Odan into the new host was completed at 1900,
and appears to have been successful.
There were no difficulties in assimilation.
Dr Beverly, could we talk for a moment?
You should be sleeping, you need to rest.
I've never felt better, except once or twice.
My poor Beverly. This has been so hard for you.
I want to thank you, for your caring, for your standing by me.
I congratulate you.
You averted a war that would have cost many lives.
It seems as though everything has turned out for the best.
And, yes, I am still Odan, and I still love you.
I cannot imagine that ever changing.
I am glad that you're alright.
Is there to be nothing more?
Perhaps... it is a human failing,
but we are not accustomed to these kinds of changes.
I can't keep up.
How long will you have this host? What would the next one be?
I can't live with that kind of uncertainty.
Perhaps, someday,...
..our ability to love...
..won't be so limited.
I understand.
..l do love you.
Please, remember that.
I will never forget you.

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