RASCALS


Captain's log, stardate 46235.7.
Ensign Ro, Keiko O'Brien, Guinan and I are returning to the Enterprise
after a fascinating visit to the planet Marlonia.
And these pieces I found on the tertiary level of the dig.
They're typical of 2nd-century Marlonian cookware.
Look at those markings, very similar to early Taguan designs,
but the patterns are more intricate, they're much closer to Buranian.
You were on the most beautiful planet in the quadrant,
and you spent your entire shore leave in a cave?
It was a very rewarding experience.
Look at these fragments.
They're nearly in perfect condition and yet they're 700 years old.
So's my father.
Is that a Draebidium froctus?
Actually, it's Draebidium calimus. You can tell by the leaves.
I didn't know you were interested in plant biology.
I took a class at the Academy. I don't remember very much though.
- Enterprise to the Fermi. - This is the Fermi. Go ahead.
We've received a distress signal from the science team on Ligos VII.
Can you identify the problem?
No. The call was cut off in mid-transmission.
Lay in a course and engage at warp eight as soon as we're on board.
Aye, sir.
Rendezvous with the ship in three minutes, sir.
- We're caught in an energy field. - Hard about, full-impulse.
Aye, sir.
What's happening?
The shuttle is in an energy field. Engines and life support have failed.
Full-impulse. Bridge to transporter room three.
Beam the shuttle crew back once we're in range.
Ready, sir.
I can't contact the Enterprise. Too much interference.
Transfer power to inertial dampers.
Warning. Structural failure imminent.
- Have you got them? - I'm trying.
I can't get a pattern lock.
The shuttle is coming apart! Do it now!
I've got them.
There's a 40-percent drop in mass. I may have lost one of them.
Thank you, Mr. O'Brien. Another moment and...
Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds,...
..to seek out new life and new civilizations,...
..to boldly go where no one has gone before.
According to the bioscans,
their DNA structure is consistent with preadolescence.
But, as far as we can tell, only their bodies were changed.
Their intelligence and their behavioural responses
are the same as they were before the accident.
What happened to the shuttle?
It broke up after we beamed you out.
Mr. Data is coordinating the salvage efforts now. Sir.
What about the energy field?
We're scanning it, but there's interference.
- It’ll take time. - We can't afford to stay here.
We'll leave a probe behind to study it,
but the distress signal from Ligos VII has top priority.
Let me know when you have any more information.
Number One, you're with me.
Captain, I need to run some additional tests.
Of course. The three of you remain as needed to assist Dr Crusher.
- What? - You make a pretty cute kid.
Great. Just what I want to be, cute.
Were you this much fun when you were a kid?
I was in a refugee camp. "Fun" wasn't in my vocabulary.
What about now? You're not in that camp any more.
Fun is being back at work, in my own uniform.
Bridge.
Mr. Worf, prepare to launch a probe to study the energy field.
I realize how unusual this must seem. My appearance is a result
of an accident involving myself and three other crew.
The effects of which Dr Crusher is working to remedy.
I assure you, I am Capt Picard.
The probe. Aye, sir.
Mr. Data, have you secured all of the shuttle debris?
Almost. It is being stored in shuttle bay two. Sir.
Very well.
As soon as Mr. Data is finished, take us to Ligos at warp eight.
Captain, may I see you privately for a few moments?
Of course.
Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
Have you determined the cause of our transformation?
Not yet. I'm still waiting for some results.
I see.
There are 103 members of the science team on Ligos VII.
We should prepare shuttle bay three in case they have many casualties.
We'll be ready.
I see Ligos VII is prone to periodic volcanic activity.
Perhaps it's entered an active phase.
Jean-Luc.
- We need to talk. - Alright, let's talk.
Are you here to relieve me of duty?
I'd rather not have to take that step.
I am still Jean-Luc Picard.
My judgement, my experiences, my mental capacities are all intact.
That's true. For now.
But this could be the first stage of a condition that affects your mind.
- But you see no evidence of that. - Not yet.
What I do know is that the Captain of this ship
has undergone an extreme physical transformation,
the ultimate effects of which I can't even begin to guess.
You are asking me to step down.
You are still Jean-Luc Picard. What do you think you should do?
Cmdr Riker, take command of the ship until further notice.
Understood.
So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
You're not supposed to do anything. That's what "relieved of duty" means.
I should be doing something instead of just waiting for a cure.
- You're right. Let's go play. - What?
I haven't been young for a long time,
and I intend to enjoy every minute of it.
Fine. Enjoy yourself.
What are you gonna do? Go back to your room and pout?
I am not 12 years old.
If I want to go to my quarters and contemplate my situation,
that does not mean that I am pouting.
OK.
I could use a cup of coffee. How about you?
I'll get it.
Two coffees, one with cream and sugar, the other...
- Black, double sweet. - I know. One double sweet.
- Careful. That's hot. - Miles.
Sorry.
What's wrong?
It's... I don't know, but this feels wrong somehow.
Miles Edward O'Brien, I am still your wife.
- Technically, yes. - Technically?
I mean, of course you're my wife. But you're also ten years old.
Beverly said it's actually closer to 12.
- That's not the point. - So what is the point?
- Is our marriage over? - I didn't say that.
But until they find a way to reverse this effect,
it's hard to ignore the fact that you're a little girl.
What if they can't find a way?
What if I'm like this for the rest of my life?
What does that mean for us?
- For our family? - Mommy.
Mommy.
- What's wrong, sweetheart? - I want Mommy to read me a story.
Alright. What story would you like to hear?
Not you. I want Mommy.
What if Daddy reads you a story? Will that be OK?
I'll be right back.
Keiko.
It's gonna be alright.
I promise.
We'll work this out.
How?
I don't know.
First Officer's log, supplemental.
We have reached the Ligos system.
We have begun to search for the missing science team.
Dr Crusher reports no progress on a cure for the shuttle crew.
Come.
I came to see how you're doing.
I'll have to speak to my tailor, but otherwise I'm well. Thank you.
It's just so ridiculous.
I can't take myself seriously like this.
Counsellor, if Dr Crusher can't find a cure, if I have to stay this way,
nobody's gonna take me seriously, are they?
I would say the people that know you and have worked with you
will be able to make the adjustment eventually.
But some will find it difficult to accept a 12-year-old captain.
I'll have to wait until I grow up again before I get another command.
Which might be in ten, maybe 15 years.
- What to do until then? - You're still a Starfleet captain.
There are other assignments you could be given.
I've spent 30 years on starships. I won't sit behind a desk now.
You could return to the Academy. Brush up on your Latin.
And be Wesley Crusher's roommate?
I admit returning to the Academy does have a certain appeal.
But I've spent my life looking forward.
Going to the Academy again feels like looking back.
Then perhaps you could spend the time exploring other interests.
- Archaeology, for instance. - Leave Starfleet?
Not permanently, just a sabbatical.
You could spend a few years digging up artefacts
and still become the youngest admiral in Starfleet history.
It would give me a chance to take up Dr Langford's offer
and accompany her to the ruins on Suvin IV.
But to leave the Enterprise...
In a way, you're very lucky.
You might have a chance to do what most people only dream about.
Have a second childhood without the pain of growing up again.
This is Capt Picard's rybo-viroxic-nucleic structure
from a tissue sample I took this morning.
It's the same as a sample I took before the accident,
except it's missing several of the key viroxic sequences.
It's been a long time since I took genetics, Doctor.
RVN is one of the key factors in our development during puberty.
Unlike DNA, which never changes,
RVN takes on additional sequences during adolescence.
Those sequences determine how we develop physically.
- Without them we wouldn't mature? - Exactly.
Somehow, they were eliminated in the shuttle crew during transport.
So what do we do?
Well, we have a couple of options.
These are the plants Keiko was carrying.
Whatever turned the crew into children turned these into seedlings.
I accelerated the growth on one of them,
and it developed into a perfectly normal adult plant.
- That wouldn't work with people? - No.
But at least we know that if we do nothing,
they will probably grow up just as they did before.
That's one option.
However, I do have the adult RVN patterns of all four of them.
I might be able to send them back through the transporter
and replace the missing sequences.
But we can't do that until we know why this happened in the first place.
If somehow they were to lose more viroxic sequences...
They would get even younger.
Chief, I got the sensor report on the shuttle break-up.
It looks like it began near the starboard bulkhead.
There's some bulkhead fragments over here.
My visor's picking up some torsional stress damage, some micro-fractures.
Hang on a second.
- What's this? - Looks like tritanium from the hull.
Yeah, but look.
That's not tritanium any more.
The molecular structure has been changed,
broken down into its constituent elements.
- No wonder the bulkhead shattered. - Yeah.
I'll take a sample to Engineering and run a metallurgical analysis.
Well, this is exciting.
Would you rather be playing with dolls?
I'd rather be doing almost anything other than watching you sulk.
This isn't some kind of glorious second childhood, Guinan.
Our bodies have been violated, changed.
- Doesn't that bother you? - Sure it bothers me.
But, at the moment, I can't do anything about it.
- So I might as well enjoy it. - Enjoy what?
You think being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift?
There must have been some part of childhood that you didn't loathe.
Look, it was a long, depressing period of my life,
and I was grateful when it was finally over.
I'd rather not relive it.
I bet you were a jumper.
A jumper. Someone who jumps up and down on furniture all the time.
- What? - You were a jumper, alright.
The quiet ones, they always look so innocent.
You think you can turn your back on them.
Next thing you know... They're bouncing on the bed.
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Most of the time, I had no bed.
But you did have one sometimes, and I bet you jumped on it.
- I most certainly did not. - Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.
You can barely resist the urge
to leap up and start jumping around like a Tarkassian razorbeast.
- Guinan. - Yeah.
- This is ridiculous. - That's right.
And don't you dare join me, Ro Laren.
You don't like jumping on beds.
Yeah? I can jump higher.
We think a molecular-reversion field caused the ship to deteriorate.
When the field penetrated the hull, it affected the crew.
When I tried to beam them off, I couldn't get a lock.
The field was masking part of the patterns.
The transporter only registered part of the RVN patterns.
That explains the missing sequences.
With those sequences missing,
the transporter reconstructed them as children.
Could the transporter reverse the effects?
Maybe. As long as there's no reversion field to mask the patterns,
we should be able to do it.
Chief, can you adjust the scanners...
- Bridge to Cmdr Riker. - Go ahead.
We are entering orbit around Ligos VII.
On my way. We'll discuss this later.
Standard orbit, Ensign.
Any sign of the science team?
We've been scanning the area, but our readings are being disrupted.
Cause?
Extreme fluctuations in the electromagnetic field.
However, there is no evidence
of stellar or seismic activity to cause the interference.
Any response to our hails, Mr. Worf?
No, sir. I've been attempting to...
Commander, two ships de-cloaking fore and aft.
Klingon birds-of-prey. B'rel-class.
Maximum shields.
Take us out of orbit. Mr. Worf, prepare to return fire.
- Damage report. - We have lost primary life support.
- Switching to secondary systems. - Lock phasers on target.
- Phasers locked. - Fire.
Minor damage to one ship. Its shields are holding.
Starboard power coupling is down. Warp engines are off line.
- Shields? - Down to 13 percent.
Casualties reported on deck 26 and 27.
Sensors and secondary generators are off line.
Life support down to 67 percent.
Engineering, status report.
They took out auxiliary power and emergency backup.
It'll take an hour to get warp power back on line.
We have lost shields. Heavy casualties on decks 35 to 40.
I am detecting transporter signatures in three cargo bays.
We are being boarded.
Come with me.
Initiate intruder alert. All Security teams report to...
Put down your weapons!
Computer, deactivate command functions.
Authorization, Riker Omega three.
All command functions suspended.
This is Morta. We have secured the bridge.
Begin transporting all able-bodied adults to the surface.
Come on. Get up there. Come on.
They have locked out the command functions.
- You said they would not have time. - You led the assault team.
- You were too slow. - You dare to blame me?
We have secured the ship, DaiMon, but Morta's incompetence...
- My incompetence? You know... - Enough!
Where is the captain of this ship?
I'm in command of this vessel. Who are you?
- And on whose authority...? - I am DaiMon Lurin.
And I declare this ship to be a loss and open to claim
according to the Ferengi salvage code.
You will cooperate with our salvage operations,
or we will begin executing your crew.
- Is everyone alright? - No injuries among the children.
The Ferengi have taken control of Engineering and decks 23 to 37.
We have to assume they have the bridge.
What have they done with the younger children? With my little girl?
They're taking all the adults down to the surface.
They've kept the children on board. Where was she?
- In primary care on deck 14. - She's probably still there.
I wouldn't worry.
We need to regain control of the ship. Options?
Flood the ship with anesthezine gas.
That's been locked out with the command functions.
If they're typical Ferengi, they'll be pleased with themselves,
maybe even getting overconfident.
Agreed. They might think they don't need many crew to hold the ship.
We could use surprise to give us a tactical advantage.
Tactical advantage?
Jean-Luc, look at your team for a minute.
We're children.
We can't allow our ship to be commandeered.
I'm not suggesting that we do, but we can't act as if we were adults.
What do you suggest we do?
We look like children,
maybe it's time we started acting like children.
I hope your profit margin's high for this,
because you're risking war with the Federation.
We're not affiliated with the Ferengi Alliance.
We are in business for ourselves.
Yes, it will be highly profitable.
For an investment of two surplus Klingon ships,
a few repairs and some weapons,
we've netted a Federation starship and her crew,
not to mention a planet rich in vendarite.
So that's what this is all about.
What did you do with the science team?
They've proved most helpful in extracting the mineral.
You used them as slave labourers.
The addition of your crew will greatly speed up the process.
As for your ship, ...
..I’m sure that it will fetch
a handsome price on the Romulan market.
But before that can happen,
we need to regain access to your central computer.
You don't really think I'll help you?
I think that mines on Ligos VII can be very hazardous.
Now, how many people on your ship?
1014.
Very hazardous, Commander.
Hello. I'm the classroom computer. What can I do for you today?
Computer, display interior security grid.
I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
- Would you like to play a game? - No, I would not.
Computer, display an internal schematic diagram.
I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
Would you like to see some interesting plants or animals?
It's a child's computer. Remember?
Computer, can you show me a picture of the inside of the Enterprise?
Yes, I can. The Enterprise is a Galaxy-class starship.
Do you know how to spell Enterprise?
- E-N-T-E-R... - Delete audio.
Alright, this'll have to do.
We're here. There's a service conduit
that runs to here and leads to a Jefferies tube here.
You and Ensign Ro will have to cross this corridor to get to Engineering.
Captain.
Excellent. Ready?
Make it so.
- What the devil? - I was just playing.
I'm sorry, Captain.
Alexander, would you mind if I borrowed your toy for a while?
- Go ahead. - Thank you.
After you.
I've got the phasers, Captain.
This is the first time these tubes haven't seemed cramped.
How much farther do we have to go?
About 50 meters. Don't tell me you're tired.
I'm not as young as I used to be.
This is it. Main Engineering.
Now we wait.
- Report? - Mission accomplished, sir.
- The one in sickbay never saw me. - Very good.
I'd say we're ready. Have you figured out how to get to the bridge?
I'm afraid I can only think of one way.
- What do you want? - I need to see my father.
- Go back inside. - I need to see him now.
Do not argue with me. Go back inside!
I need to see him now!
Stop it! You've hurt me! I want my father!
Alright. Just stop that!
- Let me go! - Here he is!
- Now be quiet! - What is going on?
Dad!
- So, son, how are you? - I'm OK.
How are your friends, Keiko, Guinan and Ro?
They're OK, too.
- But... - What's wrong?
Well, we don't have anything to do. None of the games are working.
The Ferengi made Daddy turn off the main computer.
Can't you just turn on the kids' computer in schoolroom eight?
We just want to play a few games.
I don't know if they'll let me, but I will ask.
Thanks, Number One.
He's my number-one dad.
Here they come.
How did it go?
- Did Cmdr Riker get the message? - He understood.
We should have access very soon.
Come in.
I understand your son was here to see you.
That's right.
We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship.
Then, that's your loss.
Our families are one of our strengths.
I think you will find that they can also be a weakness.
Unless you release the computer to our control,
I will execute every child on this ship, beginning with yours.
Even you wouldn't be that cruel.
It is cruel to put children in danger by bringing them aboard a starship.
Alright.
Just so you don't harm my son.
You will release the computer and show Morta exactly how to use it.
Computer, release command control. Authorization, Riker Omega three.
Command functions restored.
OK, Morta.
The system is controlled by three primary main-processor cores
cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat,
14 kiloquad interface modules.
The core element is based on an FTL nanoprocessor
with 25 bilateral kelilactirals,
with 20 of those being slaved into the primary heisenfram terminal.
You do know what a bilateral kelilactiral is?
Well, of course I do, human. I am not stupid.
No, of course not.
This isopalavial interface controls the main firomactal drive.
Don't touch that. You'll blow up the entire firomactal drive.
What is... Wait. What is a firomactal drive?
Just explain it to me.
That is the firomactal-drive unit.
It controls the ramistat core,
and keeps the ontarian manifold at 40,000 KRGs.
The drive is powered by...
Command lockout has been released.
Accessing transporter.
Weapons-deactivation program in place.
Transporter security force field standing by. We're ready.
- Tag. - You're it.
Yes?
I found this in the schoolroom. Is it yours?
That just leaves two on the bridge.
- Wait here until I return. - Yes, sir.
The ramistat kiloquad capacity is a function,
square root of the intermix ratio times the sum of the plasma quotient.
Come in.
I believe you're in my chair.
Captain's log, stardate 46236.3.
We've taken Lurin and his men into custody.
The Ferengi Alliance has denied any knowledge of these renegades.
With the mining operation closed and our crew on board,
we can now turn our attention to other problems.
Phase inducers activated.
- Energy levels nominal. - I'm loading the adult patterns.
Transposition matrix locked in.
That should do it, Captain.
Energize.
- How do you feel? - I feel fine.
Everything seems a little smaller.
It's my mother.
The funny thing is,
I never really drew a picture of her when I was young.
It's just for some reason, I wanted to now.
That's the wonderful thing about crayons,
they can take you to more places than a starship.
- It's my turn, isn't it? - Only if you're ready.
It's not quite as bad as I remembered it.
Being a child, I mean.
Well, we'd better get going.
Well, what's the hurry?
I mean, the transporter will still be there.
Why don't you pass me the royal blue?
- Here. - Thank you.
- Did you do this one, too? - I did all of them.
All of them?


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