Approaching Sigma Iotia II, Captain.
Standard orbit, Mr. Chekov.
Captain, I have received vocal contact
from an official station.
They relayed us to a man named Oxmyx.
His title is "Boss."
Heh heh heh.
All right, Lieutenant. Put him on.
This is Captain James T. Kirk
of the Starship Enterprise,
representing the Federation of Planets.
You're from the same outfit as the Horizon?
Yes. Unfortunately, the Horizon was lost
shortly after leaving your planet.
We only received her radio report last month.
What are you talking about?
The Horizon left here 100 years ago.
A little difficult to explain.
We received a report 100 years late
because it was sent by conventional radio.
Your system is on the outer reaches of the galaxy.
They didn't have subspace communication in those days.
Toward the edge of what?
I'll explain it in more detail when I see him.
The ship won't land, but we'll transport several people down.
Well, that's a little difficult for you to understand, too.
I'll explain it in more detail when I see you. Where will be convenient?
There'san intersection just at the end of the block
near a yellow fire plug.
Can you find it?
Scotty, do you have the coordinates?
Uh, Mr. Oxmyx, we have your intersection located.
Will five minutes be all right?
I'll have a reception commit tee there to meet you.
I'll be looking forward to it.
Scotty, you have the com.
Spock, McCoy, we're beaming down.
The Horizon's contact came
before the Non-Interference Directive went into effect.
They must have interfered
with the normal evolution of the planet.
It will be interesting to see the results of the contamination.
We don't know there is contamination.
What was the state of the Iotian culture
before the Horizon came?
The beginnings of industrialization.
Horizon reports indicate the Iotians are extremely intelligent
and somewhat imitative.
So we're going down to recontaminate them.
The damage has been done.
We are here to repair it.
Let's not argue. Let's study it.
[Honk Honk Honk Honk]
This is like coming home.
Home was never like this.
I've seen pictures of the old days
that look like this.
Passers by are carrying, I believe ...
O.K., you three,
let's see you petrify.
Sir, would you mind explaining that statement, please?
I want to see you turn to stone.
Put your hands over your head,
or you ain't going to have no head
to put your hands over.
Space -- the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Its five-year mission --
to explore strange new worlds ...
to seek out new life and new civilizations ...
to boldly go where no man has gone before.
That's a weapon. Be careful with that.
A heater, huh?
Hey, the boss will love that.
We were asked to come down here
by a Mr. Oxmyx. He said --
He said some of the boys would meet you.
O.K., we're meeting you.
Well, those fire arms are not necessary.
You trying to make trouble?
Don't give me those baby blue eyes.
I don't go for that innocent routine.
Sir, does everyone here carry fire arms?
I never heard such stupid questions.
Since this Oxmyx asked us here,
don't you think we should see him?
All right. Get moving. Down the street.
- [Machine-gun Fire] - Aah!
- Krako's getting more gall. - This how you greet all your guests?
It happens, pal.
That man's dead.
We ain't playing for peanuts.
You guys never saw a hit before?
Sir, there are several questions.
Ask the boss. I don't know nothing.
[McCoy] This is the contamination
you're looking for, Jim.
But the Horizon crew
wasn't composed of cold-blooded killers.
They didn't report this culture
in this state, either. What happened?
When's the boss going to do something
about the crummy street lights around here, eh?
A girl ain't safe.
And how about the laundry pickup?
We ain't had a truck by in three weeks.
Write him a letter.
He sent it back with postage due.
We pay our percentages.
We're entitled to a little service for our money.
Get lost, will ya?
Some people got nothing to do but complain.
Is this the way your citizens do business,
their right of petition?
They pay their percentages
and the boss takes care ofthem.
Hit that button.
Got them, Boss. No sweat.
All right. Bring them in.
Which one of you is the captain?
Heh. Ha ha ha.
Make yourself a drink, Captain.
It's good stuff. I distill it myself.
No, thank you.
You're, um, Mr. Oxmyx.
That's me, pal.
This is my first officer, Mr. Spock,
Put that chopper down, Kalo.
These guys are our guests.
Pick up a cue, Captain.
You got to excuse my boys.
You can't be too careful these days.
Yes.Judging from what we've seen so far, I agree.
They call you the boss, Mr. Oxmyx.
The boss of what?
The boss of my territory.
I got the world's biggest.
There's one thing wrong with having the biggest.
There's always some punk trying to cut you out.
That's why you can't be too careful.
You're the government here?
I got the territory, and I run it. That's all.
But there are other bosses, other territories?
Maybe a dozen or so,
not counting the small fry,
but then they get burned anyway,
as soon as I get around to it.
Does that include, if I may ask,
a gentleman called Krako?
How do you know about Krako?
He hit us, Boss.
You hit him back, you hear? Hard.
I'll take care of it.
Published in 1992.
Where'd you get this?
Hey, wait a minute. That's the Book.
I know it's a book.
They left it, the other ship, the Horizon.
This is the contamination, Captain.
An entire culture based on this.
You said they were imitative, and the Book --
I don't want any more cracks about the Book.
Did they leave any other books?
Some textbooks on how to make radio sets
and stuff like that,
but I brought you here so you could help me,
not for you to ask me questions.
After that, I'll answer anything you want to know.
What is it you want?
I was thinking.
You Feds must have made a lot of improvements
since that other ship came here.
You probably got all kinds of fancy heaters up there.
So here's the deal.
Give me all the heaters I need
to knock off all those punks all at once.
I'll take over, and all you'll have to do is deal with me.
You want us to supply you
with arms and assistance
so you can carry out an aggression?
I got to make hits.
I want you to help. That's all.
but quite impossible.
Mr. Oxmyx, my orders are quite explicit.
Under no circum --
I ain't interested in your orders.
From now on, you're gonna take orders from me.
I'm gonna give you eight hours to give me the things I want.
If I don't have those tools by then,
I'm gonna call your ship and have them pick you up in a box.
Is that understood, pal?
this here's a heater,
and I don't know what this is.
Let's see how this thing works.
Don't do that.
You could knock out the side of the building.
That good, huh?
Just give me 100 of these fancy heaters,
and we'll have no more trouble.
Out of the question.
Captain Kirk, I usually get what I want.
What's this thing?
All right. Burn 'em.
Uh, hold it.
It's a communication device.
How does it work?
It's locked onto my ship's system.
Take them to the warehouse.
Put them in a bag.
Keep a sharp eye on them.
In the bag, Boss. Come on.
[Beep Beep Beep]
Hey, you ...
in the ship up there!
Hey, you in the ship.
Who is this?
This is Bela Oxmyx.
I got your captain and his friends down here.
You want to see them alive again,
you'll sendme 100 of these fancy heaters
and troops to show me how to use them.
You're holding the captain and his party?
You heard right, pal.
I'm giving you eight hours
to get me the goods,
or I put the hit on your friends.
I don't know.
Heh heh heh heh!
Lieutenant Hadley, check the language banks
and find out what a ...
One book on the gangs of Chicago did all this.
They seized upon that one book
as the blueprint for an entire society.
As the Bible.
In old Chicago, conventional government almost broke down.
The gangs nearly took over.
Oxmyx is the worst gangster of all.
We quarrel with Oxmyx' methods,
but his goal is essentially the correct one.
This society must become united
or it will degenerate into total anarchy.
If this society broke down
as the result of the Horizon's influence,
then the Federation's responsible,
and we've got to straighten it out.
Spock, if you could get to the sociological computers,
do you think you could find a solution?
Unfortunately, I do not have access to my computers,
nor are these gentlemen likely to permit it.
Well, I've got an idea about that.
This, uh, this card game is a kid's game.
You think so?
Oh, yes. I wouldn't waste my time.
Who's asking you?
On Beta Antares IV, they play a real game.
It's a man's game, but a little beyond you.
It requires intelligence.
I can play anything you can figure out.
Take the cards, big man.
Show us how it's played.
I'm familiar with the culture on Beta Antares.
There aren't games --
Of course the cards on Beta Antares IV are different,
but not too different.
The name of the game is called, uh ...
Fizzbin. It's, uh ... not too difficult.
Each player gets six cards,
except for the player
on the dealer's right, who gets seven.
On the right?
The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
Oh, look what you got, twojacks.
You got a half fizzbin already.
I need another jack.
No. If you got another jack,
why, you'd have a sralk.
Yes. You'd be disqualified.
You need a king and a deuce,
except at night, when you'd need a queen and a 4.
Except at night.
Oh, look at that.
You've got another jack!
Ha ha ha!
How lucky you are! How wonderful for you.
If you didn't get another jack,
if you'd gotten a king,
why, then, you'd get another card,
except when it's dark, you'd give it back.
If it were dark on Tuesday.
But what you're after is a royal fizzbin,
but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron --
Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?
I've never computed them.
Well, they're astronomical, believe me.
Now, for the last card. We'll call it a kronk.
You got that?
Oh, I'll get it.
Spock, find the radio station.
Uhura's monitoring the broadcasts.
Cut in and have yourselves beamed up to the ship.
Surely, you're coming, Captain.
I will, but I'm bringing Bela Oxmyx with me.
This mess is our responsibility.
You have your orders. Let's go.
O.K., pally, we're going for a ride.
I'd rather walk.
Listen, pally, this could either be a taxi or a hearse.
You know what I mean?
I'm beginning to get the idea.
You do that very well.
Now, how are you with primitive radio equipment?
Amplitude modulation transmission.
I simply adjust the frequency,
throw this switch.
The Enterprise should answer.
That was the Jailbreakers with their latest recording
on Request Time,
brought to you by Bang-Bang,
makers of the sweetest little automatic in the world --
And very simple.
Enterprise, this is Mr. Spock.
Lieutenant Uhura here.
Mr. Spock, what are you doing on this frequency?
A very long and complicated story, Lieutenant.
Notify the transporter room --
Two to beam up, these coordinates.
So you're the Fed, huh?
Well, well, well, well, well.
I'm the head of the whole Southside territory.
Hey, glad to see you.
Would you mind telling me how you know who I am?
Sit down, Kirk!
I've got all of Bela's communications bugged.
He can't make a date with a broad
unless I know about it.
Well, I guess you want to know ...
why I brought you here.
You want to make a deal.
Hey, I like that.
That is sharp.
That's sharp, eh, Zabo?
That's right, a deal.
I want you to help me.
Uh, let me guess.
You want --
you want heaters,
and then you'll want, um ...
troops to, uh, teach them how to use them.
And, uh, you'll attack the other bosses
and take over the whole planet.
Then we'll talk, right?
Wrong! I know Bela.
He didn't offer you beans.
Now, me ...
I'm a reasonable man.
You give me what I want,
and I'll cut you in for, say, uh ...
a third, skimmed right off the top.
Well, what do you think?
I got a better idea.
This planet has to be united.
You know that. Bela knows that.
Let's ... sit down -- you, me, Bela --
discuss this whole matter,
contact the other bosses,
and talk about it like reasonable men.
You watch it, Kirk!
The Book tells us how to handle things!
You make hits.
Somebody argues, you lean on 'em.
What do you think, we're stupid?
I don't think you're stupid.
I just think your behavior is arrested.
I haven't been arrested in my whole life!
Listen, pally, I know how to get what I want.
You want to live? You bet you do.
But after I get through with you,
you're liable to be sorry I let you come across.
Hold him here.
Tell Cirl the Knife to sharpen up his blade.
I just might have a job for him.
Unless you come across with the heaters.
I'm sorry, Krako. No deal.
That's too bad.
Put him on ice!
Futile, Doctor. No specifics.
There is no record of such a culture
based on a moral inversion.
You mean you're giving up?
I'm merely saying the computers can offer us
no logical, rational, factual way out
of our current dilemma.
Mr. Oxmyx is making contact from the surface.
On audio, Lieutenant.
Mr. Oxmyx, this is Mr. Spock.
Huh? Hey, how'd you get back up there?
Irrelevant, since we are here.
You better come back down.
Krako's put the bag on your captain.
Why would he put a bag on our captain?
Kidnapped him, ya dope.
He'll scrag him, too.
If I understand you correctly,
that would be a problem.
Look, you guys got something I want.
I can help you get your captain back.
Then we can talk about the deall want.
I find it difficult to trust you, Mr. Oxmyx.
What's to trust? Business is business.
We'll call a truce.
You come on down.
My boys will spring Kirk,
then we'll talk about giving me a hand.
You'll show no further hostility?
I'm a businessman, pally.
What do ya say?
Since we must have our captain back, I accept.
We shall arrive in your office within 10 minutes.
You're going to trust him?
If we are to save the captain
without blatant, forceful interference
on this planet, Doctor,
we must have the assistance of someone indigenous.
We're, therefore, forced to trust Mr. Oxmyx.
Help me! Help!
though we hope to avoid interference,
I suggest you set one of our phaser banks
on a strong stun position.
Now you're beginning to make sense.
I trust we shall not have to use them,
but it is best to be prepared.
You know what to do.
Don't worry, Boss.
They can't do nothing
till they're through sparkling.
Just the same, be careful.
Now, you watch this.
Ship 's Log. Mr. Spock reporting.
Incredible as it seems,
Dr. McCoy and I are once again prisoners
of the chief criminal boss
of a society patterned after old Earth gangsters.
Pick up many more of these,
I won't need your cooperation.
Mr. Oxmyx, I understood we had an arrangement,
I was hoping you'd think that, dummy.
We're trying to help you, Oxmyx!
Nobody helps nobody but himself.
Sir, you are employing a double negative.
I fail to see why you do not understand us.
You have stated the need
for unity of authority on this planet. We agree.
Yeah, but I gott a be the unity!
Cooperation, sir, would inevitably result --
The most cooperative man in this world is a dead man.
And if you don't keep your mouth shut,
you're going to be cooperatin'.
Drop the guns. Drop 'em.
Move down there.
Hey, Captain, you got away from Krako.
You know, that ain't easy.
You were to report to the ship.
We did, Captain. The situation required our return.
You find out anything from the computer?
Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
You admit that?
To deny the facts would be illogical.
Then you don't mind if I play a hunch?
I'm not sanguine about hunches, Captain,
but I have no practical alternative.
Now that we have Bela,
I'm going to put the bag on Krako.
Listen, you --
Say, that's nice material.
It oughta be.
It cost a bundle.
Get out of'em.
I said -- you too!
Get out of the clothes!
Nobody's going to put the bag on me anymore!
Wheels, Mr. Spock.
A fliwer, Captain.
Key in the ignition. Turn the ignition on ...
and nothing happens. Where's the starter?
There's the starter.
Yes. Oh ...
I believe they had a device
known as a ... clutch.
Perhaps one of those pedals on the floor.
I kind of like this.
I'm going to get one myself.
Captain, you are an excellent starship commander.
But as a taxi driver,
you leave much to be desired.
It was that bad?
Now, that could be a ... bit of a problem.
If they were inside,
we could stun them with our phasers, but not out here.
If we can get close enough,
we should be able to render them harmless
with reasonable rapidity.
They don't look like the trusting types.
It's a hit, ain't it?
I beg your pardon?
You're going to hit somebody. Can I watch?
Young man, run along and play.
Where'd you get them ears?
You going to hit Krako out here?
You open up, you'll be scragged
from every window in the street.
I can fix it for ya.
Young man, this is likely to be quite hazardous.
Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouths of babes --
Who you callin' a babe?
- Yeah -- - Me?
I'm calling you a babe,
but there's nothing personal. Sit down.
You know a way we can get close to them?
Sure. What's in it for me?
What do you want?
A piece of the action.
You do not even know what the action is going to be.
It's got to be a thick percentage,
or you wouldn't be trying to hit Krako.
All right, young man. We'll guarantee you ...
a piece of the action
if we can pull this thing off.
Is that a contract?
What do we do?
You'll know what to do.
And how do you like ... that?
Think you can gang up on me, huh?
What are you, chicken?
Why don't you gang up on me?
I'll cut off your head and throw it in your face!
Take that, and that, and --
Daddy, Daddy, I hurt myself!
That's it. Let's go.
You hurt yourself, kid?
I want my daddy!
He's a cute kid, ain't he?
I want my daddy!
I want my daddy.
Sonny! What have they done?
What have they done to you?
What have you done?
A piece of the action.
No one can see.
Put your phaser on stun.
Ain't this nice?
I was wondering how I was going to get you back,
and here you deliver yourself!
Who's your friend with the ears, Kirk?
I think you've got it reversed, Mr. Krako.
Naw, I ain't, pally.
Put down your heaters.
Captain, I believe that perhaps it would be wise
to do as he says.
I just heard the sound of --
The sound of a machine gun bolt being pulled back.
Mr. Krako, I don't, uh --
So this is the fancy heater, huh?
How does it work?
I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krako,
that this is bigger than you, Oxmyx, or anyone.
The only thing I want you to tell me
is how it works.
Can you trust your men?
Of course I can!
One of these can make a man a pretty big boss.
I either trust 'em, or they're dead.
Let's go in here and talk about it.
Now we got no busy little eyes to worry about.
How does this thing work?
All right, Krako,
we don't have time to show you how to play with toys!
What do you think we're here for,
to get a cut of your deal?
Forget it! That's ...
peanuts to an outfit like the, uh, Federation.
Now, look, Krako,
we're takin' over the whole ball of wax.
You cooperate with us,
and maybe we'll cut you in for a piece of the action.
A miniscule ...
very small piece.
How much is that?
That's, um --
We'll figure it out later.
Thought you guys had laws, no interference.
We're takin' over.
The, uh, planet ...
is being taken over by the Federation,
but we don't wanna come in here and, uh,
use our muscle. Know what I mean?
That ain't, uh, subtle.
So what we do
is we help one guy take over the planet.
He pulls the strings, and then we pull his.
Hey, you, um ...
What's your cut?
What do you care, long as you're being cut in?
'Course, there's always Bela Oxmyx.
All right. It's a deal.
Call your ship. Bring down your boys
and whatever else you need.
- [Beeps] - Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Scott here.
All right, Scotty. We made a deal with Krako.
We did, sir?
Yeah. We're ready to make the hit.
We're takin' over the whole planet.
Do you think that's wise, sir?
Sure! We can trust Krako,
but we don't have any choice.
He's standin' about 12 feet in front of me,
all ready to be our pal.
Of course, Scotty, I'd like to show him the ship
Just to show him that we're, uh,
we're on the level.
But you know how it is.
I know indeed.
Scotty, we'll need phasers
to equip every one of Krako's men.
We'll need advisors and troops
to back him up on the hit.
You got all that, uh, Scotty?
We're preparing everything.
It'll be ready when you give the word.
You may begin, Mr. Scott.
You mean you're going to start sending down your boys now?
H-How'd I get here?
You must be that Scott fellow Kirk was talking to.
I want to know what happened.
Looks like we put the bag on you.
I got rights.
You've got nothing.
You mind your place, mister,
or you'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
You mean cement overshoes?
Um ... aye.
[Honk Honk Honk]
It's faster than walking.
Are you afraid of cars?
Not at all.
It's your driving that alarms me.
I've got the hang of it now. Go on.
Oh, not again.
Hey, wake up.
You all right?
Hey, you guys. Come in here.
The Feds snatched Krako.
I never seen anything like it.
They're going to move in
unless we stop 'em now.
Bela's mixed up in this somehow.
I got a sneaking hunch
they're going to hightail it back to his territory.
You know what we're going to do?
We're going to hit his place.
Where are they?
he'll probably send them back on a blotter.
Wrong again, Oxmyx.
Knock it off, saw bones.
I want to talk to this creep.
Listen, I'm getting tired of playing patty cake
with you penny-ante operators.
What do you mean penny-ante operator?
You're a penny-ante operator. Sit down.
All right, Spock, cover him.
Listen, the Federation's taking over.
You play ball: we'll cut you in.
You don't, you're out.
All the way out. You know what I mean?
Why didn't you say so in the first place?
All you had to do was explain it to me.
Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
You got Krako on ice?
Aye, he's here.
Mad enough to chew neutronium, but behaving himself.
O.K. Cool him till I flag you.
Keep him until I send for him.
We're going to make some old-style phone calls from this locale,
so locate the man on the other end of the blower
and give him a ride to this flop.
Find the man at the other end of the phone
and transport him to these coordinates.
Can do, sweetheart?
Can do, Captain.
You ... get on the blower
and call the other bosses.
I sure don't know what you think you're talking about.
Get with it. I'm giving the orders here.
Lock in and energize.
Yeah, I've got a lot of nerve.
What are you going to do about it?
Coming over with my boys and we --
Hey, Captain, that ain't bad.
I would advise you to keep dialing, Oxmyx.
All right. You know what to do.
We hit Bela's place,
and nobody comes out alive.
All right. Let's go.
All right! All right!
All right! All right!
The Federation's taking over
whether you like it or not.
You people, you've been running this planet
like a piecework factory.
From now on, it's going to be under one roof.
You're going to run it like a business.
That means you're going to make a profit.
And what's your percentage?
I'm cutting the Federation in for 40%.
You got any objections?
I hear a lot of talk,
but all I see here is you and a couple of your boys.
I don't see no Federation.
They got a ship. I know. I was there.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Tepo's got a point.
All we ever seen is them.
What -- a couple of your boys?
Hang on a minute.
Hang on a minute.
Just a moment!
Let me say something.
I only saw three guys in that ship.
Maybe there ain't no more.
There are over 400 guys there.
That's your story, buster.
Hey, it's my boys.
They're making a hit at this place.
My boys will put you down.
Want to bet?
One move out of you two, I'll drill him.
Give me the hardware.
Hey, that's great, Krako.
Now we got hostages again.
We can make a deal with the Feds up there.
Are you kidding? This one's mine.
From now on, nobody's going no place.
I'm going to be the big boss in this here territory.
Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Get that heater down.
Don't you want to take a look at what you're going to fight?
I already seen it. You're nothing, Fed.
At least let me call my ship to say good-bye.
Well, all right. Go ahead.
Don't get smart.
This is Kirk.
Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
Scotty, put the ship's phasers on stun.
Fire a burst in a one-block radius around these coordinates.
Right away, sir. Scott out.
Gee, that's some trick.
Did you see that?
They're not dead, Just knocked out.
But they might just as well have been that way if we wanted them to.
O.K., Kirk, so we get the message.
Now, what was this syndicate deal you were talking about?
He was talking about a percentage.
I was talking about both.
A syndicate makes sense to me.
I'm a peaceful man at heart,
but I'm sick and tired of all these hits.
I hit Krako. Krako hits Tepo. Tepo hits me.
There's too many bosses.
We can't get anything done.
I was thinking if there was just one --
Maybe somebody like you as the top boss --
Then we can get things done.
Hey, Bela, no, no, no.
The Federation can't get connected
with a small-time operation like this.
No, I was thinking, Bela,
you would be the top boss.
Krako, you'd be his lieutenant.
I don't want any trouble from the rest of you ...
because you'll have to answer to the Federation.
We'll be back every year to collect our cut.
You figure maybe 40% is enough?
Yeah, I think 40% is sufficient.
It sounds reasonable.
That sound reasonable to you?
It's reasonable, Mr. Oxmyx.
Let's break out some of your drinking stuff ...
and celebrate the syndicate.
Gentlemen, you two have been brooding
ever since we returned to the ship.
Brooding, Mr. Spock, a somber emotional state.
Do you wish to continue it or discuss it?
Captain, I'm neither brooding nor somber.
But I do have reservations about your solution
to the problem of the Iotians.
Ah, yes. I understand that.
You don't think it's logical
to leave a criminal organization in charge.
Highly irregular, to say the least, Captain.
I'm also curious
as to how you propose to explain to Starfleet Command
that a starship will be sent each year to collect our "cut."
A very good question, Mr. Spock.
I propose our cut be put into the planetary treasury
and used to guide the Iotians into a more ethical system.
Despite themselves, they'll be forced
to accept conventional responsibilities.
Isn't that logical?
All right, Bones,
in the language of the planet, what's your beef?
I don't know how serious this is, Jim,
and I don't quite know how to tell you,
but in all the confusion I --
I think I left it in Bela's office.
You left it.
Somewhere. I'm not certain.
You're not certain of what?
I left my communicator.
In Bela's office?
Captain, if the Iotians,
who are very bright and imitative people,
should take that communicator apart --
They will, and they'll find out how the transtator works.
The transtator is the basis
for every important piece of equipment that we have.
You really think it's that serious?
It upsets the whole percentage.
How do you mean?
Well, in a few years,
the Iotians may demand a piece of our action.